A Conversation between Placenta and Child

by Joel Garnier

Placenta: “Hey, I’m the placenta, ok?”
Child: “Ok”
Placenta: “Oops, mom’s water just broke. Don’t panic”
Child: “Ok”
Placenta: “Soon we are going out there, ok, and you are going to have to learn to breathe air right away”
Child: “Ok”
Placenta: “Just sort of be as slippery and calm as you can, and I’ll be right behind you”
Child: “I’m ready”
Placenta: “That’s the spirit”
Child: “Good pun!”
Placenta: “Nice work, you’ve got your head out. I’ve heard that’s a trip. Now relax one of your shoulders and you should glide right out”
Child: “Ok. I’m out. There are people here. What now?”
Placenta: “You’ve gotta blow your nose and clear your throat and start breathing air. I’ll be out soon”
Child: “Someone just rested me in the crook of mom’s arm. I’m breathing. I think it’s safe to come out. Hey that thing you said about breasts, you were right. Awesome!”
Placenta: “Ok. I’m out too, and these are good people. I’m over here in the bowl of flowers, still connected to you by our umbilical cord. I suggest you and mom catch some zeds and I’ll be here when you wake up”
Child: “Cool”
Placenta: “Ok, it’s morning, so wake up sleepy head”
Child: “Yeah, I’ve been awake, sort of”
Placenta: “Good. How is the air?”
Child: “It’s nice. Yeah, really fresh, good smells”
Placenta: “Perfect, that is a really good sign”
Child: “Now what?”
Placenta: “Ah, this is the part where we wait and see what they decide to do, you know, the parents. Don’t take this the wrong way, but there’s going to be some baby talk and a whole bunch of babbling and laughing that you and I won’t understand. You might see some things, wait, I can’t believe I forgot, did you open your eyes yet?”
Child: “Yeah, I told you I saw the breasts”
Placenta: “Right, right, sorry. Say, have you, you know, suckled?”
Child: “Yep. And let me tell you sister, this is the best”
Placenta: “OK, I’m a little jealous but I have all I need for the time being”
Child: “You know, I noticed the babbling and laughing and crying. What are they going on about?”
Placenta: “Who knows. It’s always different. You know, the cord is starting to dry up. Don’t get all weepy on me”
Child: “Yeah, I know. I noticed that too. At least we get to stay connected for awhile longer”
Placenta: “Yeah. Go to sleep. When you wake up I won’t be here anymore. I can tell you by what we’ve seen so far that you and mom are going to be fine and I’ll be fine too. And if you listen carefully, you’ll see that I have not really left you, ok? 
Child: “Ok, goodnight. I love you”
Placenta: “I love you too. Sweet dreams”